By Ovundah Nyeche.
One of the many questions I ask people getting married, is what their expectations about marriage is? And what exactly they expect from their spouse? And as always respect, love, protection, submission, provision, companionship, children etc. may mean different things to different couples and people.
Many times many of the disappointment about marriage is that many of these expectations, many not voiced, written or expressly communicated are not met… And many times many of these expectations are formed from social media, music lyrics, films and many are without a tinge of reality.
Wisdom is really knowing and agreeing on these expectations and also knowing that things may not exactly go according to plan and when they don’t, both couple should be willing to negotiate unexpected bends and do all within their ability to make their home work.
A good home is not wished for, it is not just prayed for, it is worked for by both parties and it is a full time job.
I don’t know who is going through difficult times at home, or navigating bends you never envisioned, or disillusioned with what you are currently seeing… getting scored early goals, by the team called ‘challenges’, does not necessarily mean you will lose the match or your home; getting knocked down in the first round by challenges, does not necessarily mean you have lost out completely.
It takes wisdom to build a house, and understanding to set it on a firm foundation; It takes knowledge to furnish its rooms with fine furniture and beautiful draperies. It’s better to be wise than strong; intelligence outranks muscle any day. Strategic planning is the key to warfare; to win, you need a lot of good counsel. Proverbs 24:3-6 MSG
Wisdom oh Lord we pray, wisdom oh Lord we apply. @ovdiasis
House Rent Palaver.
By Ovundah Nyeche.
When you get married, apart from your children school fees, one issue that will talk to you every year/season, if you stay in a country like Nigeria and you don’t have your property, stay in your organization’s accommodation, or have your accommodation sorted out by your organization, is the issue of house rent.
Yes, house rents speaks so loud…and house rents can cause family problems if not tackled with wisdom, reality and the truth.
As a couple, it is important you tell yourself basic truths about your finances and plan accordingly.
Yes your ‘levels’ may be saying GRA or Peter Odili road or Banana Island, but what does your pocket say? Knowing that in 12 months time, the house rent bell will ring again…and for unexplained reasons it is usually easier to pay the first rent than subsequent ones in many cases.
Like someone advised your yearly house rent should not be more than 20% of your yearly income or yearly profi and trust me ‘e no easy to bring out’ the whole rent at once, so it may be wisdom to save monthly for it. So if you can’t bring out (let’s say your house rent is #1,000,000 yearly) #100,000 monthly comfortably, it may be very difficult to pay the #1,000,000 at once and it may be a pointer, that you are living above your means.
May the Lord grant us wisdom and may you not live your life on other people’s impression about you…or plan your budget based on the circle of friends you belong to. All fingers are not equal, even if they are part of the same hand.
Telling yourselves basic truths, can save your family a whole lot of headache…yes, life is not always straight forward and hard times and emergencies can sometimes come unannounced, but to the best of your abilities, be truthful to yourselves.
Like a proverb says “No look another person pot of soup, do garri”…’e go shock you’.
May wisdom lead you.
#HearWord #ovdspeaks #HearWordseries
Wisdom for two…
By Ovundah Nyeche.
Months ago, I was privileged to be a guest, in an all women therapy session…
And the moderator, wanted the participants to open up and talk…
And gave a caveat, when it was time for the feedback…
“No men bashing, will be allowed here”, she said, I loved this,as the session focused on issues and not gender or sex chromosomes.
In my observation, and my journey hearing stories and helping people, I know there are 3 sides to every story.
His side, her side and the TRUTH, which may be her side of the story, his side of the story, their stories or none of their story…
Are you are man, having turmoil in your marriage;be careful of those who tell you, all women are evil, beat am, cheat more, knack am something, fear women etc… Be careful of closed groups that paint women as evil and fan your indiscretions, idiosyncrasies and stupidity…be careful about any group that makes you more toxic.
Are you a woman, having turmoil in your marriage;be careful of those that tell you, to get rid of the man and make him disappear, they won’t serve your jail term/death sentence with you… Be wary of people that tell you to spill the sweet blood, that has turned sour… Be wary of people especially that have intact marriages, but shout at the top of their voice ‘Menascum’, be careful about those who ended their marriages and encourage you to do so, at the slightest sneeze…
Be careful about groups, that encourage you to pour bile orally, visually or via text…
Are you a Christian, be careful about taking decisions, that though are popular and would give you likes and shares, and hail you as brave… But are contrary to the Word of God…
Be careful about making life changing decisions, when you are very enraged and clouded by emotions…
I said I should let you know…
Many times what you need is wisdom… You cannot use a razor blade to cut an iroko tree, because it can cut your toenail…
hearword #OvdSpeaks #hearwordseries
Two can walk together forever…
By Ovundah Nyeche.
In all thy getting, don’t break your marriage or enter marital problems because of things you read on social media.
All these you are so brave, na so, if it is me… I will not take it… Nonsense man or woman… If he does it, I will do him/her back… Men and women must be put in their place, meniscus, womeniscus, et al… May not be the best for you.
It is also important to note that, people who pour and fire, fire on social media, may not be what they fire in real life…also it is important not to build your marriage on templates that may be faulty.
Like football, great coaches, have a plan or tactics to use, but adapt with the game at hand… Great coaches know when to go for possession and when to concede possession…they know goals and not stats win matches.
As a Christian, my allegiance is to the Word of God, and it guides my relationship with my spouse.
You ginger all the ginger and the word of God, reminds you, O boy, you no try, O boy just look your face for mirror, see that plank wey dey your eyes… ? ? ? And boom you want to drag leg… But the word of God is not your mate… And you obey and get back your peace…
Like I tell those I tell… Marriage is not war, it is not male vs female… It is not pishim pishim … But a deliberate union, where a man and his wife makes a decision together surmount any challenge and be all what God has destined for them …
If both of you agree to #hearword and both bring ? into the union, not 50-50, both of you are vulnerable and open to yourself in your union and ditch the “do you know who I am” or “I did you a favour by marrying you” ? ? ? and are willing to make your marriage work irrespective of the normal stresses of the relationship… Where both of you look out for the good of your spouse and are willing to walk and work it out to success…
Marriage is a full time job… Don’t allow social media deceive you, it requires investment and thought in the direction you wish it to take… marriage is a wonderful thing…
Everyday airplanes take off and land… Ironically it is the planes that crash or have turbulence that make news… Everyday cars go on long distance journeys and arrive, but it is those that crash or have a mishap that make news…Ships also leave ports and arrive at their destinations, but again, disaster makes more news.
Don’t allow crashes define or determine the mood of your journey…who goes for a journey and is preoccupied about a crash.
It will work out, it is working out… If you are not hearing word in any area of your life be it anger, infidelity, violence, et al … Go and seek for help and don’t commonize it… Get accountable… Invest in knowledge…fix self… Do all you can to make your marriage work.
#selah #hearword #OvdSpeaks #hearwordseries
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