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DON’T PITY ME, DON’T BE ME

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By Everest David Ovi.

This is the first time in the past three months I’m able to write, the doctors said I’m improving and I’m getting better. But I don’t want to be better, I can’t just live with the guilt. The stench of the cell, the sight of young people like me chained to trees, are reminders that I’m not fit to be among humans.

My mother went through a lot after my birth, she lost my dad and grandparents in an accident, and it almost totally broke her but for me, I was her tiny light of hope. But she didn’t let her love for me deprive her from disciplining me when necessary. My Mom got a better job which meant a better way of living but less attention on me. Mom had to bring Chidi her cousin from Lagos to stay with me.

I missed my mom alot, this made me depressed and I desperately needed an escape, Chidi offered me one. He first gave me a bottle of coke(it was actually mixed with codeine), he said it’d make me feel better, and yes it did. That bottle started a journey of no return for me, I was a proud Science Student.

My mom had noticed that I’ve changed in the last one year, I’ve been unusually reserved and I sleep and drink coke a lot. She did her little investigation, She had to chase Chidi out of the house. Mom was so broken when she found out that I was an addict, she took me to various prayer houses but I only got worse.

There was this Friday, mom had destroyed all my bottles of codeine cough syrup, I was furious, I couldn’t help myself, I was screaming and scratching furiously. They I found a bottle, I was trying to open it when my mom snatched it from me.

WTF! I was screaming and begging at the same time for her to give back the bottle but she refused. I charged towards her, held her, dragged the bottle and pushed her away. I gulped the contented hungrily without noticing my mom had hit her head on the tiles, bleeding, jerking as she drifted off into the waiting arms of Mr. death.

I was sentenced to 20 years for manslaughter but I was first sent to this rehab center. My sentence was wrong, 20 years was too fair, I don’t deserve to live. This is my suicide note and if you’re reading this I’m probably gone.

#SayNoToDrugAbuse

Inspired by a post from Dr Ovundah Nyeche

 

PS: This is totally a work of Fiction.

David Everest is a young writer who exposes the issues of abuse plaguing the Nigerian society. He’s also a student and professional videographer. David has had his own fair share of abuse(physical and drug) and came out stronger, thus his message.
David is now determined to help young people such as him see the dangers of abuse.
David enjoys Football and Music. 
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Features

Favouritism in Parenting

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By Dr Nimi Stephanie Ekere

Favouritism in parenting simply means preferring one child over another or the rest of the children.
Studies have shown that a large population of parents display consistent favouritism towards one child over another.

In a recent study done titled ‘The sibling effect’, the author affirms that 70% of fathers showed favouritism to a child while 65% of mothers displayed favouritism to one child. Another study has it that fathers preferred their female children while yet another study in Nigeria showed that male children were shown some form of preference over their female counterparts.

The reasons for favouritism include:

*Birth order– First and last borns are seen to be shown favouritism over their siblings.

*Gender : Some people show preference to a particular sex or gender especially if that gender was so desired.

*Children with special needs or ailments are understandably given a lot of attention which may not necessarily mean favouritism.

*Children who are affectionate would naturally attract same kind of emotions from their parents; talking about the law of reciprocity.

* Circumstances surrounding the birth: This includes, a child who was waited patiently for,a child born in old age e.g. Jacob loved Joseph because he was a child born at his old age and his mother, Rachel was his actually preferred wife until he was deceived to marry her sister.

Positive effects on the other siblings:
It confers some form of independence to the unfavoured children because they are almost indirectly taught independence while the favoured child cannot stand on her own without her parents and so cannot face the challenges life brings.

Negative effects on the other siblings:
*Conflict and disunity in the family.

*Hatred for the favoured child and even the parents.

*Sibling rivalry.

*Low self esteem.

*Poor communication between parents and children.

*Depression in adulthood.

*Suicide in extreme cases.

The negative effect on the favoured child is that sometimes,he expects same gestures from outsiders and if their unrealistic expectations are not met, it leaves them depressed.
They are poorly behaved because they get away with a lot of things.

Solution:
*Spend time with each child individually.

*Affirm and reaffirm their talents,strengths and interests.

*Celebrate achievements and milestones.

*Avoid unhealthy competition in your family.

In summary, favouritism in parenting dates back to the bible days as seen in the case of Rebekah who preferred Jacob to Esau and Isaac,on the other hand, preferred Esau to Jacob.

The consequences were deleterious and sadly outlived them.

Favouritism is human nature, it is sometimes inevitable but how parents and wards handle it is what matters.

While I do not encourage this act, I know that it might be an exercise in futility to tell a parent to drop the favouritism mantra. If you choose to have a favourite, please handle it with a great deal of wisdom and utmost maturity.

Know the love language of your child and profusely shower him with affection,so that you don’t end up creating unnecessary rivalry,bitterness and strife between your children.

Remember that you may also not be spared as they might eventually hate or resent you for loving them less than they deserved.

#effectiveparenting# #gettingitright

Dr Nimi Stephanie Ekere is a wife, mother and Family Physician. She enjoys writing, reading and attending to her patients. She is a life coach and teacher, who is passionate about children and young people walking in the right course and path to achieve their full potential.

Her Foundation, Ekom Charity Foundation mentors young people and also cares for the less privileged.

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How Expensive are Expensive Weddings?

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By Edisemi Okpokiti

The cost for marriages is another reason for low marriages and also early broken marriages…it brings too much pressure to the equation.
Too much expectations, too much injuries in the process to accomplish, too much division already between new families who ought to be uniting, too much attention of the supposed spouse on an event than on the marriage.

Too much false hood expressed that has to be sustained, but with no basis for maintenance. Too much bad blood between supposed couples before they even start their home.

Many marriages ended on the night or morning after the wedding ceremony.

People regret night after their traditional wedding, and ask if it was worth all the tension, pressure and troubles or are visibly sad all through the wedding realising they have short changed themselves.

Love is stifled by fleshy lust of men and women for rights,privileges and inordinate desires to feel among. Many work for years to blow it one week 😭😭

Once the cost of the price to marry is reduced, the attention will be shifted to what my choice person thinks or feels and not what people think or feel; and that’s how relationships are built.

Preparation for marriage ought to be a good opportunity for people to know and get more acquainted with themselves but the pressure makes them distant from themselves, cursing, fighting and bitter at each other for their difference in priority and the family effect on them.

Father in-laws, mother in-laws , Siblings already become vouched enemies even before they know themselves.

It’s pathetic that poor families are the most expensive ones to marry from, it’s like these marriages is their visa out of poverty.

Elders have become children in their conduct and character just because of a young child’s money collected with the deceit of a priceless adventure.

Churches should adopt like the Orthodox churches now do for burials, giving specific date you must bury after death, thereby forcing hands to bury with what they have and not what they think they want.

Weddings in churches should be encouraged to be done even in midweeks and without receptions.

Young people also should stop talking of dream marriages. The women especially would shout “It is not in my turn, I’ll fall my hands”, but can’t you all see ,the men are not proposing because they are afraid and do not have what your entire village will demand? Ladies have to start discussing with their fathers and uncles and defend their husband to be.

Money spent on Marriages in this country, especially by the middle class and poor if invested could make those couples financially stable.

The steam most times is off before the team comes to field.

Many have lost even before the game starts.

Well for those who are really really well to do and I mean both not that the man is. Those whose families have more than enough to spare, then you are not stopped from your ecstasy.

If you are in relationship, and it’s not taking the next step this is a major cause. Seat with yourselves, seat with your parents and pastors and achieve your desire without destroying your desire. SELAH!

If you are a sibling or parent , please assist and clear all barriers and ensure your children and siblings don’t have this as a barrier preventing their marriage.

The age of unmarried is increasing daily to an average of 30…if this menace is not addressed …we will soon hit 35 yrs as average age of unmarried girls.

Let the wise hear, but the foolish rant…Life is a choice.

A counsel is not forced on anyone.

Edisemi Okpokiti is the Lead Faculty, The Pulpit and Lead Consultant of Rhabonni Consult Limited (A Human Capital Development Consultancy Firm). He is a trained Information Management Consultant and passionate preacher of the gospel.

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Features

Opinions Today, Pinions Tomorrow

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By Perez Tigidam

Nigeria is full of drama and the growing internet penetration and social media usage amplifies this daily. Individuals and even corporations are constantly being sucked into this pool of daily drama.

My thought is simple, if you must be an active and opinionated participant in every raging conversation on the internet, ensure you do so from the place of thought and principles and not an emotional rush, no matter how logical it might sound at the moment.

The internet archives, it never forgets.

Perez Tigidam

If you stand for a wrong today and months after try to go against that wrong because this time, you’re emotional towards one party involved, it means that you lack principle in the first place. Because the internet never forgets, people will call your bluff while referring to precedence.

It is very easy to glide into contradiction and inconsistency when you always have to offer opinion or hard stance not backed by principles.

Before you tweet, think. Before you post, pause to ponder.

perez tigidam

I have a particular friend who knows me so well that, in my absence, he can literally tell you what my position will be on any given issue even without hearing from me. Same for him. This is because -not to sound saintly- we’ve been consistent in our thought pattern over a long period of time. Our positions on things are always not popular but there’s been a pattern and we’ve been consistent.

One last thing,

In a low trust society like Nigeria, it’s important that you’re consistent in character and in principles. It helps when those with less knowledge of you bring up disparaging commentary of your person.

Last year, I had a fall out with a client and someone asked me, “What if this client decides to give a negative feedback on referrals?” My response was simple, my disagreement is not out of bad character but out of principle that binds a contractual relationship. Of every one client relationship that goes wrong, there are 9 others that will stand vehemently for me, because of character and precedence.

You can say I am not cheap when it comes to billing for my services and I’d agree, but I do not know that I am a cheat or dubious in character, for this I am grateful for my upbringing and can raise my shoulder anywhere to this.

If I disagree vehemently with a friend or a client, it’s mostly not out of bad character but out of principle. I rarely do shift from my position, either I just want to let you have your way and move on or I’m deeply convinced that my position is wrong, which doesn’t happen instantaneously either. I have to slowly be convinced on facts and principles that support that position, it’s the reason people say I’m stubborn.

But I am not.

Perez Tigidam is a brand management consultant and media entrepreneur based in Nigeria. He runs one of Nigeria’s foremost brand consultancy and design firms Arden & Newton Ltd and doubles up as the user experience and content strategy team lead at TheNerve Africa.

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