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Help, I can’t control my anger!

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By Ruth Nyebuchi-Philips 

The prevalence of metal health disorder is alarming, yet under diagnosed or even recognized. Today I’ll be going a little far away from what we call “mad” and “crazy”.

Intermittent explosive disorder is characterized by repeated outbursts of uncontrolled anger and/or violence that is not in keeping with the cause or reason for the degree of violence. It can be seen in intimate partner violence or abuse, road rage, temper tantrums, breaking or throwing away objects.

 

Case

Mr A is a man of God, hardworking who cannot pass a chance at running down his secretary for slight errors, he claims he doesn’t know what comes over him, but he had to speak his mind. It is so bad right now that nobody wants to work with him

History of his younger days suggested that he was easily provoked, people were scared of him, because of his actions, he fought in public, could beat his wife because another man looked at her. This could happen twice or thrice a week.

After he’s done all in his mind, he feels horrible with himself, he remembers he’s a clergy man and starts apologizing. He goes out of his way to appease his wife, takes her out but God help her if another man looks at her, it begins with war of words and the cycle begins again.

His in-laws have taken him to the police on two occasions but brother cannot help himself to pounding flesh. The wife has left him. He currently searching for a new bride.

Meat of the matter

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual V for classification of mental health disease states the following criteria for Intermittent Explosive Disorder:

  • Recurrent outbursts that demonstrate an inability to control impulses, including either of the following:
  • Verbal aggression (tantrums, verbal arguments or fights) or physical aggression that occurs twice in a week-long period for at least three months and does not lead to destruction of property or physical injury (Criterion A1)
  • Three outbursts that involve injury or destruction within a year-long period (Criterion A2)
  • Aggressive behavior is grossly disproportionate to the magnitude of the psychosocial stressors( ie wetin dey disturb you like lack of money or work) (Criterion B)
  • The outbursts are not premeditated and serve no premeditated purpose ( you no plan to do am but e dey like say them push you) (Criterion C)
  • The outbursts cause distress or impairment of functioning, or lead to financial or legal consequences (e don affect your life,your relationship with your dose, family,affect your work then sack you or demote you) (Criterion D)
  • The individual must be at least six years old (Criterion E)
  • The recurrent outbursts cannot be explained by another mental disorder and are not the result of another medical disorder or substance use (Criterion F)

 

It is important to note that DSM-V now includes two separate criteria for types of aggressive outbursts (A1 and A2) which have empirical support:

Criterion A1: Episodes of verbal and/or non damaging, nondestructive, or non injurious physical assault that occur, on average, twice weekly for three months. These could include temper tantrums, tirades, verbal arguments/fights, or assault without damage. This criterion includes high frequency/low intensity outbursts.
Criterion A2: More severe destructive/assaultive episodes which are more infrequent and occur, on average, three times within a twelve-month period. These could be destroying an object without regard to value, assaulting an animal or individual. This criterion includes high-intensity/low-frequency outbursts.

 

Hope

It is treatable, by:

  1. Psychotherapy (talking therapy by a psychologist or psychiatrist)
  2. Medications.

 

First you have to identify it. Kindly visit a Psychiatrist close to you.

 

Ruth Nyebuchi-Philips  is a resident psychiatrist in training at the University of Port Harcourt Teaching Hospital.

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Going back to the basics.

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By Nimi Stephanie Ekere.

Last year, we were woken up to the news of a student who tried to poison his colleague because she was doing better than him, academically. This was to say the

least, frightening. That for me, set my mind wondering what the home environment of the said student was. If a child in Secondary school could think of something so terrible, it clearly showed that his family, which is the smallest unit of the society was in a wrong state. The reason is that the family forms most of a person’s values, at least at that tender age.

 

Recently, the suicide rate in the country has become so alarmingly high and particularly scary amongst young people. Young people take their lives for the flimsiest reasons. It’s either you hear that they took their lives because they were heartbroken in their relationship, they failed an exam or someone spoke to them badly.

 

In the past, we were known for our resilience and ability to adapt to even the most unfriendly situations, so what suddenly changed?

 

I would like us to look into the family setting and review our parenting styles and strategies. A lot has changed. Yes, I think a lot has changed so much; and this does not mean that our parents were perfect in the past. They made their mistakes but to a very large extent, they did a lot of things right.

 

Many modern day parents are so concerned about pleasing their children that a lot of areas are left unattended to. There seems to be no standards and values which are the bedrock of effective parenting.

 

The twenty first century parent is caught up in the web of an extremely busy schedule in the pursuit of money and when they make it, throw it at the child and fail to invest quality time with their children and lose the opportunity to discover their children and what they are growing up to become.

 

For many of these children, integrity means little or nothing, and the child having nothing to emulate, seeks help from his peers and the television.

 

Nannies have taken over the place of mothers in the lives of these children. And because parents are not always visible, and even if they are visible, they are unavailable, there lies a wide communication breakdown. And if a child cannot talk

or discuss everything with his parents, there usually are deadly alternatives for them.

 

Parents try to compensate for these deficiencies with wonderful vacations, gifts, expensive clothes and shoes and other luxuries. While these are wonderful, they do not take the place of deliberate, intentional and effective parenting.

 

Also, a lot of children are suffering from low self-esteem because of the unrealistic expectations and pressures from their parents. ‘Have you seen Linda’s results?’

Why can’t you come first place like Jonathan?’ This is all the child hears and gradually, his self-esteem completely gets eroded and he starts seeking for validation from external sources. He begins to have envy, hatred and unhealthy competitions as part of his everyday life.

 

This begins to manifest in his behaviour towards others. An example is the case of the seventeen year old boy that was left to drown by his friends because they were jealous of him. There are multiples of examples to buttress the fact that we must go back to the basics.

Parenting must be done right if we want to see this generation of children do better than us. There is a vacuum that must be filled. We must listen to these young ones. We must try to create time for them. Our values must not be thrown out, they must be instilled in our children. We can love our children without necessarily giving them everything they want. There should be discipline

in parenting. Sometimes, giving them all they want is not to their advantage. We must learn to know when to draw the line.

 

Their strengths should be celebrated while their weaknesses worked on. Unhealthy competitions are really unhealthy for them. We must know that every child is unique and is created differently with a special gift to change her world.

 

Prayer is an inevitable tool in effective parenting. Every word of prayer said on our children’s behalf is a seed that will germinate and yield fruits, good fruits. This said, prayers must go hand in hand with hard work as even the Bible admonishes us to intentionally, train up our children in a way that they should go and when they are old, they would not depart from it.

 

Thank you for reading this, I hope to get your feedback.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dr Nimi Stephanie Ekere is a wife, mother and Family Physician. She enjoys writing, reading and attending to her patients.  She is a life coach and teacher, who is passionate about children and young people walking in the right course and path to achieve their full potential.

Her Foundation, Ekom Charity Foundation mentors young people and also cares for the less privileged.

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Sex: The Naked Truth, through my eyes…

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By Excel Agoziem.

So I got to know Dr. Ovundah Nyeche on Facebook. I always found myself reading his beautiful posts. So, after he published Sex, the Naked Truth, I got an autographed copy directly from him and had an amazing read.

This book carries so much of Dr’s God-given wisdom, being a balanced combination of God’s standard for sexual relations, embedded in stories and actual life experiences.

While I initially thought it had teenagers as target audience, when I began reading, I found that I needed it as much, (everyone does) and even parents as well, for the sake of their children.

Sex, the Naked Truth, first teaches that it is God who made sex and all kinds of pleasures, so just as a manufacturer has his user manuals of everything invented by him, so God has His own guidelines on what He made. Yea, of course He made sex.

This book will open your eyes to various truths and expose certain repercussions of not having it God’s way- those consequences you know aren’t all there are, get this book and you will be amazed at what humans expose themselves to, for not having it God’s way.

You will also find different people’s stories shared in it, for your instruction.

Above all, you will learn that you are a priced possession and your body isn’t yours. You will learn how to glorify God with your body.

You will learn that not everyone is being defied, (a lot of people think and say that everyone is), and that just as God had 7,000 uncorrupted prophets in the time Elijah, (Rom 11:4, 1 Kings 19:18) He still has chaste sons and daughters in this age.
You will learn self control.
and the fear of God.

PS: To get this book for yourself, children and friends, just everyone, you can click on the links below.

Or reach the author via 📧 sexthenakedtruth@gmail.com

Udo🙌🙌🙌

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Money Matters Part II

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By Olamide Falase.

The Million Dollar Loaf of Bread…

Remember when I told you earlier https://ovundahnyeche.com/2019/01/08/money-matters-part-i/ that there are some boring terms about money that you need to remember?

Let me ask you this question.

Which is more important, how much money you have, or what you can purchase with what you have?

To a Zimbabwean, that question is a “no-brainer”, he’ll probably say, “Of course it is what you can purchase (You see, there was a time a loaf of bread cost Z$35 Million – in case, you were wondering what I wrote, it’s 35 million Zimbabwean Dollars. You don’t believe me? Check this out https://www.jasonhartman.com/price-of-a-loaf-of-bread-jump…/ )

One very vital way of looking at money is to always think of it in terms of “its purchasing power”.

If someone offered you, US$10,000 or N3 Million which would you accept?

Remember that 3 million is a lot more than 10 thousand (in fact, 30 times more) however, a simple exchange rate comparison will have you opting for the US$10,000 precisely because the US$ is a better STORAGE OF VALUE than the Naira.

Of course choosing between the US$ and the Naira is, to most, a simple decision, but imagine if you had to choose between getting N3 Million right now, or N3.5 Million in 2 years’ time (Both amounts are guaranteed).

Now the choosing becomes more interesting, although I suspect that most Nigerians will settle for the N3 Million today, but I am also willing to wager that it is not for reasons that has to do with understanding how money works.

Make I digress small!!

Always remember that no matter how much or little you earn, you are someone’s “gbogbo bigs boy” or “gbogbo bigs gehs”

What this means is, there is ALWAYS something you can set aside from your current earnings and still maintain a standard of living.

It helps to imagine that there is someone, somewhere, right this minute, who may not even live too far away from you, who can subsist on what is left from your earnings after you have set some of it aside as savings.

Trust me, it is not hard to imagine it, and even much more easier to experience.

You just have to make up your mind to do it.

The toughest part is overcoming the false notion that you are as rich as what you wear, drive, eat or live in.

Truth is, you are as rich as what you cannot do without. The fewer the things you cannot do without, the wealthier you are likely going to become.

Saving money wouldn’t make you wealthy, but you cannot become wealthy without developing an attitude of savings..

I had to jump a whole lot of steps in my “money series” to get here, and so, there will likely be many people who wouldn’t understand what on God’s planet I am talking about; for that I apologize profusely.

I just thought I needed to say this to someone who would need the encouragement to develop an attitude of needing less than they earn.

 

Olamide Falase has nearly 18 years industry experience, which spans the Banking, Food Services, Civil Construction and the downstream sector of the Nigerian Oil and Gas industry, most of which has been in management and leadership positions. He presents industry related issues in a relatable format, easy for a broad range of people, not only to understand but to also relate to.

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