Recently after writing a post on the need for parents to teach their kids about sex and tell them what God says about it. A parent asked a question which I have put below.
Though there were a lot of responses, this two, caught the eyes and did justice to the subject raised. With their permission I had to make a blog post from their responses and I hope it benefits you.
Question: At what age should children be taught about sex and what exactly do you tell them? My kids have asked me how I got pregnant and how the baby came out. I couldn’t tell them exactly how I got pregnant, but I told them exactly how the baby came out.
Ihechiluru Anozie: Tell them daddy slept with mummy and she got pregnant. When they ask you what “slept” means, if above 5-6 years, tell them that daddy and mummy had sex, a special coming together meant only for married people and pregnancy resulted.
By 8-9 years, inform them of the organs involved in sex, but from the word go…let them know it is so pure and good that God reserved it exclusively for married couples.
By age 10-11 educate them that having sexual feelings would come as puberty sets in and explain to them the changes that will happen in their body so that it would not be a surprise to them.
Expect them to tell you, mummy when can I start having sex? Joyfully answer them… When you are married.
If they ask you, “When will I get married?” Answer them that it is when you are old enough as a full grown adult.
We need to teach our children all they need to know on “A need to know basis”.
As they grow older, give them the level of information their brain can assimilate. Smile, be happy with teaching them so that they know that sex is pure and sweet! Don’t squeeze your face; don’t make it look like “Why are you asking this question?” They will learn the TRUTH about sex from us parents and that is always the best. Thank you
Chiemezie Claire Anyanwu: Children of this generation are far smarter and more aware than previous generations. The Bible says knowledge shall increase and we can see that happening.
My take, if a child is old enough to ask any question on sex no matter the age, then he/she is also old enough to get an age appropriate answer. Do not hush them, do not mystify sex, use age appropriate words/explanations. If they insist or venture to ask to know more, please trust me, tell them yourself or they will get other explanations you may not like from peers, the internet, TV or others sources you don’t want.
Sex should not be presented to the older children as dirty, it will only pique their curiosity and get them trying things they shouldn’t.
God made Sex and it is good WITHIN the boundary of marriage. Boundaries must be taught to children early. Call body parts as they are known, don’t sugarcoat them e.g. it is vagina not “pussy” etc.
So much to say but one last thing, Sex education is best under an atmosphere of trust, care and friendship, teaching your child about sex and giving them rules and regulations when you are not even there for them in other things is a joke.
A child doesn’t just need your presents, he/she desires your presence. You don’t mentor from afar, discipling is done proximally.
Dr Ihechiluru Anozie is a young psychiatrist with interest in Addiction Psychiatry. A Pastor and Teacher of God’s Word in simple but sublime ways. He is a husband to First Lady Hannah and father of 4 brilliant children.
Dr Chiemezie Claire Anyanwu is a doctor of optometry with over 20 years experience. She is an instructor and the Healing school Coordinator for Rhema Bible Training Centre Nigeria. She is also a Minister in The Father’s Church, Abuja.
She itinerates nationally preaching and helping set up healing schools for churches. She’s the CEO of Claire’s Cakes & More Ltd and Head of the NGO: The Love Soup Kitchen. She and her husband are Passionate about and active in the helps, marriage and family ministries.
She’s been married for 18 years to Uche Anyanwu, a legal practitioner. And together they have 5 children: 4 girls namely Rachel, Beulah, Deborah and Joy and a son Ezra.
Do your kids need a smartphone?
By Ovundah Nyeche
Raising kids is not a child’s play. At the back of most parents minds is what to use to distract them with, when parents wish to rest or be more productive at home.
For many parents smartphones, tablets or computers are the answer.
From rhymes, to videos, to games, to cartoons, to emmmmmmm social media… these devices got you covered.
But here is the issue, many kids are already hooked to phones before they even own one…add the pressure of buying your children a phone, the internet and then non vigilance… And there is a disaster brewing.
Many times I speak with kids, I ask them to raise their hands if they have phones and many do… I then add if they are on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, Whatsapp, Twitter and other social media networks and hands still stay up and then when you ask their ages… You feel sorry for them and their parents…as many are not even old enough to be on the social media platforms they are already on.
I don’t know how to say this… But parents, myself inclusive, it is not in the constitution that you must give your kids phones because you can afford it. It is also not in the constitution that you must open social media accounts for them because they have reached the acceptable ages to get a social media account… Especially if you have not trained them to maturity and independence and you are sure you cannot follow them on social media and know who they follow and their online activities.
Some children even play smart by increasing their ages, so as to get an account and are smart enough to block their parents and all monitoring spirits as well.
And they follow Mhizsexy, MrRandy, Her Slay Highness, His Royal Highness, Mhiznude, Masternaked, CrackheadJoe on social media who will take them on a journey, a really long and perilous journey.
Some are already exposed to cyber bullying or learn how to cyber bully early on.
Some use pictures gotten from the internet as their profile pictures and use fake names as they immerse themselves in a world of senior jokes and learn rubbish as well.
Some play dangerous games on the internet, gamble on the internet and on their phones… Snap nude pictures which they display on exclusive groups and sites.
So before you give your child a phone. Be sure your eyes are on point, be sure you trust them and they trust you too to open up to them.
Be sure you have the strength, skill and wisdom to follow up, not forgetting there are apps which hide iniquitous stuff from the eyes of mortal men.
Emmmmmm that you can access your child’s phone does not mean you know what’s up or you can unearth the mystery inside.
Don’t contribute to your heartbreak and wonder why “village people” are against you… And yes, one child told me once of his prowess in overriding firewalls his parents set.
I said let me, let you know.
If you don’t take care of your children… Things will take care of them.
May the Lord give us wisdom, to be parents indeed in this fast paced generation.
#hearword #OvdSpeaks #hearwordseries
How Expensive are Expensive Weddings?
By Edisemi Okpokiti
The cost for marriages is another reason for low marriages and also early broken marriages…it brings too much pressure to the equation.
Too much expectations, too much injuries in the process to accomplish, too much division already between new families who ought to be uniting, too much attention of the supposed spouse on an event than on the marriage.
Too much false hood expressed that has to be sustained, but with no basis for maintenance. Too much bad blood between supposed couples before they even start their home.
Many marriages ended on the night or morning after the wedding ceremony.
People regret night after their traditional wedding, and ask if it was worth all the tension, pressure and troubles or are visibly sad all through the wedding realising they have short changed themselves.
Love is stifled by fleshy lust of men and women for rights,privileges and inordinate desires to feel among. Many work for years to blow it one week 😭😭
Once the cost of the price to marry is reduced, the attention will be shifted to what my choice person thinks or feels and not what people think or feel; and that’s how relationships are built.
Preparation for marriage ought to be a good opportunity for people to know and get more acquainted with themselves but the pressure makes them distant from themselves, cursing, fighting and bitter at each other for their difference in priority and the family effect on them.
Father in-laws, mother in-laws , Siblings already become vouched enemies even before they know themselves.
It’s pathetic that poor families are the most expensive ones to marry from, it’s like these marriages is their visa out of poverty.
Elders have become children in their conduct and character just because of a young child’s money collected with the deceit of a priceless adventure.
Churches should adopt like the Orthodox churches now do for burials, giving specific date you must bury after death, thereby forcing hands to bury with what they have and not what they think they want.
Weddings in churches should be encouraged to be done even in midweeks and without receptions.
Young people also should stop talking of dream marriages. The women especially would shout “It is not in my turn, I’ll fall my hands”, but can’t you all see ,the men are not proposing because they are afraid and do not have what your entire village will demand? Ladies have to start discussing with their fathers and uncles and defend their husband to be.
Money spent on Marriages in this country, especially by the middle class and poor if invested could make those couples financially stable.
The steam most times is off before the team comes to field.
Many have lost even before the game starts.
Well for those who are really really well to do and I mean both not that the man is. Those whose families have more than enough to spare, then you are not stopped from your ecstasy.
If you are in relationship, and it’s not taking the next step this is a major cause. Seat with yourselves, seat with your parents and pastors and achieve your desire without destroying your desire. SELAH!
If you are a sibling or parent , please assist and clear all barriers and ensure your children and siblings don’t have this as a barrier preventing their marriage.
The age of unmarried is increasing daily to an average of 30…if this menace is not addressed …we will soon hit 35 yrs as average age of unmarried girls.
Let the wise hear, but the foolish rant…Life is a choice.
A counsel is not forced on anyone.
Edisemi Okpokiti is the Lead Faculty, The Pulpit and Lead Consultant of Rhabonni Consult Limited (A Human Capital Development Consultancy Firm). He is a trained Information Management Consultant and passionate preacher of the gospel.
A Homemaker smells nice
By Ovundah Nyeche.
When you are minding your business and you see ladies (not married), dissing a lady for staying at home to take care of her own kids, when she should be making shekels out there…
And end the admonition, by asking her; why her husband can’t quit his job, to take care of his children…
My own is to tell you… To mind the kind of friends you keep and not allow all kinds of people who do not know the kind of music you are playing on your earphone, cause you to dance, dance steps that appeal to them.
Do not allow people sow seeds in your life that would destroy your marriage, children, peace of mind and make you take for granted the noble and priceless work you do to raise your children.
I want to specially salute all stay at home mums and mums who work from home. God bless you loads.
I also want to hail all women who keep regular jobs but do not reduce child raising to a gender war, unnecessarily room for squabble or a burden that is impeding their progress.
Taking care of your children is not synonymous with being lazy, retrogressive or being static.
Children don’t remain children for ever…they will grow.
And the seed you sow in your children, don’t remain seeds for ever…they would either be life giving fruits or bitter fruits.
Every child deserves the best of care from both parents, if they are alive. Whether you are a father or mother, you should do all you can to impact positively in the live of the children and do it with delight.
Again what do I know?
#hearword #OvdSpeaks #hearwordseries firstname.lastname@example.org
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