Family Circle
WHO GREE-GREE HELP? MAKE THAT MOVE…
By Ovundah Nyeche.
Donald went out early today, he had an appointment by 8:00 am and he did not want to arrive late. But when he got midway to his destination, he was held up in traffic, a journey of thirty minutes was now approaching one hour.
The cars in front of him were moving slower than a tired tortoise, “What was the cause of this traffic?” He asked himself. When his car finally reached the bottle neck, he discovered that there was an accident. The occupants of the car were rushed to the hospital and their lives were hanging by a thin thread.
Mr A was driving in his lane, he had the right of way, Mr B was driving in Mr A’s lane from the opposite direction, and was trying to overtake another car, he saw Mr A approaching, flashed him and assumed Mr A would slow down. Mr A wanted to teach Mr B a lesson, ” Mr B should know he was driving in a lane not his and should slow down” he said. And before we could shout #Hearword they had a head-on collision. They were really in a bad shape and their vehicles were damaged beyond repair.
As Donald passed their wrecked vehicles, he felt so much pity for the drivers. The road was freer after the impasse and then he suddenly remembered that he had an appointment to catch, looking at the clock in the car he had just twenty minutes to get to the venue.
He had to march his foot throttle so his car could move faster, he had an appointment to catch. As he got closer to the venue, he saw an incoming vehicle about fifty meters away, trying to overtake a truck. He flashed the driver, but the driver was still speeding, horned but he was still speeding. Donald simply applied his break, slowed down and cleared from the road to allow the impatient and reckless driver overtake the truck. He would not be the next one involved in a head on collision.
Even though he was right, he simply slowed down and cleared from the road. He knew “gree-gree” will land him where he never intended going. He got to the venue for the appointment on time, and the day was a great day for him.
As he approached home after the day, his smile soon turned to a frown, he was going to meet his annoying wife. They had been having several arguments and had not talked to themselves for awhile. From looking like a couple on a ship going to a destination few years ago when they married, they were looking like two people driving different cars in the opposite direction in full speed, they were in fact complete strangers now living under the same roof.
As Donald thought about his day, he realised his home was gradually going on a collision course and he realised that this “gree-gree” would help no one, he realised he slowed down for an impatient and reckless driver who was a perfect stranger so their cars and live would be spared, how much more his wife, the love of his life.
As he got to the gate of his house rather than entering inside, he reversed his car, went to a supermarket got his wife some stuff including a necklace and a perfume and when he came back knelt down to apologise to her and made a decision to listen better and told her he was willing to work on their relationship and be better for their relationship. While she was still opening her mouth, wondering what happened, he gave her the perfume and put the necklace on her neck, by this time she was now crying and asking for forgiveness too.
Who loves head on collisions? Donald did not and I am sure, you don’t too. Make that move, slow down and save your marriage; “gree-gree” will take you no where, save onlookers the anguish of looking at your badly damaged cars.
#HearWord
By Ovundah Nyeche.
When you are minding your business and you see ladies (not married), dissing a lady for staying at home to take care of her own kids, when she should be making shekels out there…
And end the admonition, by asking her; why her husband can’t quit his job, to take care of his children…
My own is to tell you… To mind the kind of friends you keep and not allow all kinds of people who do not know the kind of music you are playing on your earphone, cause you to dance, dance steps that appeal to them.
Do not allow people sow seeds in your life that would destroy your marriage, children, peace of mind and make you take for granted the noble and priceless work you do to raise your children.
I want to specially salute all stay at home mums and mums who work from home. God bless you loads.
I also want to hail all women who keep regular jobs but do not reduce child raising to a gender war, unnecessarily room for squabble or a burden that is impeding their progress.
Taking care of your children is not synonymous with being lazy, retrogressive or being static.
Children don’t remain children for ever…they will grow.
And the seed you sow in your children, don’t remain seeds for ever…they would either be life giving fruits or bitter fruits.
Every child deserves the best of care from both parents, if they are alive. Whether you are a father or mother, you should do all you can to impact positively in the live of the children and do it with delight.
Again what do I know?
#hearword #OvdSpeaks #hearwordseries hearword@ovundahnyeche.com
By Ovundah Nyeche.
Many people are so super charged about their wedding day, that they conveniently forget about their MARRIAGE.
Many young people plan a flawless wedding party, but are so busy or consumed about planning their wedding that they fail to discuss, life in marriage.
Many people are rushing to get married with partners that do no subscribe to their ideologies about life and marriage…”Anyway don’t bother, he or she will adjust and fall in line, in marriage”, they assure themselves.
Many people are rushing to marry, without considering the mental state (Yes, I dey tell you many people no well) of their would be partners
Many people are rushing to marry, because their partners can speak Queen’s English. Unfortunately, say say person sabi speak Queen’s or King’s English no mean say the person wey speak am na Queen or King; And say person Sabi speak English no mean say the person get sense.
Many people are rushing to marry people wey, if dem start to spark or provoke here, their remote control cannot even pause or stop them.
Many are rushing to marry people… Because hmmmmm make e no be say I miss this chance… Even when it is obvious the person is a Tower of Babel… and because they intend not to miss a chance of a lifetime, they end up in one chance.
Many are rushing to hook up… Because of say the person dem dey see just set… Even if the person behavior dey cause typhoid and malaria.
Many are rushing into marriage, thinking it can run on autopilot with no effort whatsoever from both parties…Many think romance and all the things that follow it is enough to autopilot their marriage.
You cannot plant beans and reap moi moi…
You cannot plant plantain and reap dodo…
Emmmm
You cannot drink garri and vomit fried rice and chicken…
Think, before you do.
Again what do I know?
This is not my real handwriting…
#hearword #OvdSpeaks #hearwordseries
By Ovundah Nyeche.
Adultery, needs no introduction, it is a word a lot of people in church will not want to be associated with openly. In my previous church, getting or having this name around you could risk you been flung into a not so special seat known as ‘back seat.’
These days however, it is now very popular and has several monikers like fling, affair, cheating, two timing, fooling around, playing around, playing the field, carryings on, hanky-panky amongst others.
Christian or not, opportunities for adultery subtly stare us on the face every day in the work place, at home, religious places, online, social media, recreational areas, occasions amongst others even though the holy writ tells us in clear terms ‘You must not commit adultery.’
Ever watched a mason try to break a wall with a hammer? I have, and many times when the wall is made of reinforced concrete, it is difficult to break. 5 blows and the wall still stands, 7 blows and it is still standing and at the 8th blow the portion of the wall been hammered falls out. For most believers, adultery is similar to this process; as they are very unlikely to enter head-on into adultery, as it is usually a gradual process, step by step, day by day- Slow fade.
However whether gradual or not, it is happening. In some countries pastors are resigning due to adultery, in others some are confessing openly to their congregations, in some others it has led to divorce, in some others it has turned to a habit and hence their messages has shifted to fit their lifestyles. If shepherds who are supposedly above board are involved in this, how much more the sheep or those they lead.
Carder in the book Torn Asunder: Recovering from Extramarital Affairs notes that adultery and divorce rates in the evangelical population are nearly the same as the general population in the United States.
A Christianity Today survey found that 23 % (69) of the 300 pastors who responded admitted to sexually inappropriate behaviour with someone other than their wives while in the ministry.
The Journal of Psychology and Christianity adds that as many as 65 % of men and 55 % of women will have an extramarital affair by the time they are 40.
The statistics are alarming, coming home, it does not make for good reading.
Our focus today will be to look at pitfalls that could lead to adultery and how to avoid and end them if we are already in this dangerous hole:
- Call things what they are: These days many consider the word adultery too judgemental and harsh, and sequel to that many euphemistic terms like playing around, playing the field, carryings on, hanky-panky amongst others have arisen. However calling a venomous snake a beautiful name and kissing it to emphasize the beautiful name does not eradicate the venom. Thousands of years ago, Joseph was in an awkward situation with the wife of an important official in Egypt. She liked him, flirted around him, initiated the move, and demanded sex from him. Rather than call it an affair or fling or justify it, since he was not the one pushing for it, he called it what it was, a ‘wicked thing and a great sin against God.’ Adultery is a great sin and a wicked thing, end of story.
- Friendly fire: What kind of friends do you hang around with? Years ago, when I was a medical student, I had a roommate who said a particular slang and even though I did not really spend so much time in the room, with my roommates, due to preparations for my exams, I soon picked up the slang. What happened? Influence happened, and influence still happens. If you wish to stay sexually pure and yes you should, you have to be very careful of the kind of friends you hang around with and those who speak into your ears. If the words of your friends, even on social media, shakes your conviction about keeping your marriage vow, them you may need to change your friends. It is only a matter of time for fingers dipped into an oily meal to get stained.
- Body no be firewood: Truly speaking, you are not a firewood and you have emotions. In fact what flows through your veins and arteries is blood laden with hormones and not olive or anointing oil. This means whether you are a man of God or god of man, you are a man and you have feeling and can be tempted. Hence you have to avoid spending time with those of the opposite sex alone, whether it is for counselling, prayers or even communion. Spending intimate moments with any person of the opposite sex in the guise of any ministerial assignment is looking for trouble. Billy Graham famously had a rule which prevented him or members of his team from spending time alone with those of the opposite sex, this also included even suggestions or hints of sexual immorality. While it is not bad to have friends of the opposite sex, it is extremely important that you never overestimate your strength and you must draw appropriate boundaries with those of the opposite sex not your spouse. Your secretary, choir mistress or that loyal lady not married to you, is not your spouse keep off!
- Tend your garden: Avoid discussing your marital problems with people of the opposite sex, especially if you know it is possible to have feeling for them. It is also not wise to constantly spend time on phone with people of the opposite sex and discuss intimate matters with them, you never discuss with your spouse. What will it profit you never to speak with your spouse, but speak endlessly with others? What will it profit you never to satisfy your spouse sexually, but mope outside? Many people are married, but invest their emotions on others not their spouse, it is also not wise wishing another person is your spouse because he or she treats you better. Truly speaking, the garden grows where it is tended and watered. Flaunt your spouse and be proud of her. Your marriage will work.
- Pay back: In our world ‘do me, I do you, God no go vex’ is something a lot of people revel in. But for the Christian, this is not our nature. It is not in your best interest for you to pay adultery back with adultery. Even if it may be a tenable excuse, but in the sight of God, it makes no sense and is a sin. An eye for an eye, soon makes everyone blind; forgive if your spouse has hurt you.
- Hide and seek: Don’t start what you cannot finish. To what end is hiding to make calls, deleting inappropriate text messages, sending nudes to others, having amorous glances with people not your spouse? To what end is having mental pictures of hanky-panky and fantasizing with people not your spouse? Truly speaking not everyone married the first person they dated; and not everyone had only one person they had feelings for. Once you are married, it is advisable to cut any love channel or cord that attaches you to your ex. It is also not advisable to be married and be in amorous terms with your ex or anyone of the opposite sex; and know all the fine details in their lives, focus on your marriage and build it. In some cases it may be wisdom to block your ex/s on social media or even change your social media handles. Take anything that reminds you of them out of side and then out of mind.
- Wrong ideologies: A lot of people enter marriage with warped ideologies. Some enter saying it is a man’s world and the man is allowed to cheat, and coat it by saying men are polygamous in nature… Christians oh. Some say there is no big deal in a woman cheating and spin it by saying if it is not a big deal for a man to cheat, why would it be for a woman to cheat. Well Heb 13:4 ‘Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery’ is still in the Bible; also God does not judge males and females with different standards when it has to do with sexual immorality.
- Transparency pays: What is there to say about this…transparency pays.
- Seek help: A problem identified is half solved, see eh, if you are weighed down by the weight of adultery. Confess your sins to God, he will forgive you, seek forgiveness from your spouse, it will surely not be easy and trust me, it may certainly come with dire consequences as your spouse is likely going to be heart broken and it could take time for trust to be regained. But, many times, it is better, it is heard from your mouth, than from another.
Also if your spouse opens up to you, it will help if you pray for them and forgive them. Also more than confessing, it is important you ask for the help of the Holy Spirit and go through counselling/ discipleship.
Help is available if you seek for it, talk to God about your marriage right now, our marriages are fire proof in Jesus name. If you have not given your life to Jesus Christ, talk to him to come into your life, He will.
References:
https://www.todayschristianwoman.com/articles/2008/september/why-affairs-happen.html?start=1
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Ofor Ifeanyichukwu
August 22, 2017 at 5:37 am
When we all decide that we are not always right, when we all decide that we need each other to coexist peacefully, the world will be a much better place.
Ovundah
August 22, 2017 at 5:50 pm
Very true.
OBINNA Eze
August 22, 2017 at 7:51 am
Good one am bless by this article, things I thought I knew is like a new thing to me now Thank you doctor for this.
Ovundah
August 22, 2017 at 5:49 pm
Thank you for your feedback
Rare Diamondz
August 22, 2017 at 3:43 pm
Just bumped into this blog via a link. Good job Dr.Ovunda. u are really imparting lives,I’m inspired.
Ovundah
August 22, 2017 at 5:45 pm
Thank you so much and God bless you.
Ovundah
August 25, 2017 at 5:51 pm
Thank you for your kind words…Let others know about the blog too.
Ojimba Nengi
August 23, 2017 at 9:32 am
Thank you for this. True true, gree gree no help anybody…
Ovundah
August 27, 2017 at 5:59 am
Thanks for your comment Nengi.
Iyke Abolle
August 23, 2017 at 10:23 pm
OVD,
This write-up is on point!
Ovundah
August 24, 2017 at 6:11 am
Thank you for reading this post and commenting, let others know about “Who gree-gree help? Make that move”. Great hearing from you Iyke Abolle.
Gladys Shawana
August 26, 2017 at 8:44 am
Well done Sir…God bless you
Ovundah
August 27, 2017 at 5:59 am
Thanks and amen, Ma.
tamunobelema alamina
August 27, 2017 at 7:02 am
True, even if your right, it’s interesting to see the other persons reaction some times. Have the bigger picture in view
Ovundah
September 5, 2017 at 10:25 pm
Thanks for your comment Belz
IfyGod
December 13, 2017 at 4:24 am
Another wonderful piece OVD. God bless you bro. We all sure need to slow down at some points in life to avoid collisions.
Ovundah
December 13, 2017 at 2:37 pm
Thank you so much Sir for your feedback.