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HearWord

THE THERAPEUTIC SLAP

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NB: Prof Emeritus Douglas Omubo-pepple Prof Hillary Onyedika Consultants Emmanuel AseminachinStanley Kalu

May be just may be Inability to hear word finally has a cure. Driving in a Port Harcourt Road with the her Range Rover SUV, she tried to make a turn and her SUV hit a car or according to her the car did not take notice and hit her SUV.

How will a common Toyota Camry have the effrontery and temerity to hit a Range Rover SUV? She jumped out when the man was not seeing reasons with her, rushed to his car and banged on his car and when he came out of his car, she extended her forearm at the elbow joint and with maximal effort landed a slap on his receptive cheeks.

The recipient of the slap seemed stunned, so stunned that he could not even utter a word or even relieve the impact on his cheek and to further rub salt to injury. She put a call across and moments later her husband appeared with two mobile policemen who were out of his car in a jiffy about to manhandle the recipient of the slap.

Well as they say, wonders will never end, and in no time the mobile policemen were saluting the recipient of the slap, who unknown to on lookers was a senior Naval Officer.

He too picked his phone and put a call across and moments later several naval officers assembled to start what I will call a slapping contest.

To demonstrate, the slapped told a female Naval staff to show the lady that slapped him what a slap was all about; She was to now feel the texture, morphology, physiology and pathology of a slap. The sound of the slap on the cheek of her face was like a Christmas firecracker.

He now explained that she should slap her husband just the way she was slapped. She hesitated and  maybe did not understand the command so a second slap was given to her to make her understand the command better.

And so an impromptu slapping competition ensured between the couple and after putting a good slapping show it was finally put to an end amidst wails and tears. Well I was not an eye witness, else I would have admitted her urgently but am sure if the lady or her husband had chronic inability to hear word, there was finally a cure and they would suddenly start “hearing word”.

Sirs, since this case, I have been looking forward to seeing patients present with similar symptoms, but I have seen none. Hearing however that many couples use slapiterol in their homes and this has worsened chronic anunitis, making it more difficult to treat inability to hear word.

I think a publication should be made explaining that slapiterol was never intended to cure inability to hear word at home and in fact its use generally is being questioned by many colleges; when used especially at home it is counterproductive and can cause anaplastic forms.

Thanks you kind review,

#DrHearWord for the department

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13 Comments

13 Comments

  1. Avatar

    Lois

    July 29, 2017 at 8:53 am

    Imagining the effrontery it takes to stretch out one’s hand and slap another, much so slapping someone physically stronger than you.
    I’m sure she’s been cured of that gross inability to hear word for life. Even small pikin sef she won’t slap again!

    • Avatar

      Ovundah

      July 30, 2017 at 4:27 pm

      Lois, you are the first person who commented on this blog and you just won yourself a price, congrats.

  2. Avatar

    Sophia

    July 29, 2017 at 11:24 am

    Lol, lesson of the day.

    • Avatar

      Ovundah

      July 30, 2017 at 4:27 pm

      Thank you for reading and commenting my sister.

  3. Avatar

    Tamie

    July 29, 2017 at 1:30 pm

    Such slapping contest is sure to cure any one with inability to hear word.
    Lol

    • Avatar

      Ovundah

      July 30, 2017 at 4:25 pm

      Will it cure it?

  4. Avatar

    perri

    July 30, 2017 at 5:51 am

    The woman and her husband go hear word

    • Avatar

      Ovundah

      July 30, 2017 at 4:18 pm

      It is always a pleasure connecting with those that visit ovundahnyeche.com, thanks for reading and commenting Perri.

  5. Avatar

    Jeff

    July 30, 2017 at 7:46 am

    Nice write up Ovd. However, slapeterol had always had 100% efficacy but should titrated according to age, weight and indication putting contraindications into consideration.

    • Avatar

      Ovundah

      July 30, 2017 at 4:17 pm

      Thanks for reading and commenting Jeff.

  6. Avatar

    Stanley Kalu

    July 30, 2017 at 5:39 pm

    syndrome of inability to hear has become a pandemic requiring high index of suspicion and aggressive therapy ….Lol..

  7. Avatar

    Eguono

    August 1, 2017 at 9:54 am

    Hahahahaha, your narration made me feel like I was witnessing this event live. Well done doc.

  8. Avatar

    Warebi Aye

    August 7, 2017 at 11:20 am

    I’d really wish to thank the scientists who discovered the drug slapiterol, I think it’s very effective in the treatment of “inability to hear word”.
    A video of the scene would’ve been a very effective therapeutic tool or don’t you think so Dr. Ovundah Nyeche? Lol

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HearWord

Everyone needs to Hear Word…

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By Ovundah Nyeche.

Grin Grin Grin…

I get a call, I was to be a speaker in a conference in Lagos, Nigeria.

The organizer had emailed me earlier… But there was a little issue, my hands were full…. And my calendar was not smiling.

After deliberation, I agreed with the organizer on a date, as it appeared, a day was free in my calendar 🗓.

However the plan was get to Lagos, give the talk and get back to the Garden city of Port Harcourt on the same day.

The next day was my clinic, so no matter what happened on God’s earth, I had to be back on the same day…

I woke up that day, and my bag was already packed, I received my goodbye hug, from my “front hugger-in-chief” … I drove to a distance and my in-law completed the rest.

I arrived Omagwa or was it Ipo on time ⌚… While waiting to get to my destination, I had to do a second check on the slides I was to present in the conference.

And then I discovered, my slides which I spent ample time to prepare were trying to do a fast one on me… My heart was in my mouth… There was nothing I did not think about…

I had a small chat with my big dad, touched some keypads, and somehow I figured out the issue.

In about an hour I was close to my destination.

Few minutes earlier, I had boarded a waiting Taxify Taxi to venue of the conference.

Well there is no Taxify in Port Harcourt, I know there are other online taxi booking services, but I don’t know how effective they are in the garden city.

In less than 15 minutes, I was in the venue for the conference, and it was obvious I was in Lagos, as the posters of Sanwo-Olu a Governorship candidate kept monitoring every step I took.

You know that feel… If there were CCTVs attached to his eyes 👀, Las Las, I would have been effectively tracked.

But it was strange the road was so free… Was it not the same Lagos, my friends always scream about… Traffic… Traffic… Traffic… No those talks were graphics…. The road was so free and it was about 10:00 am or so…

In less than 15 minutes, I was in the conference Centre in a serene environment in Maryland.

The conference was a huge success, and it was a great time connecting with the host as well as the participants, as well as a bosom friend that came to say Hi to me.

Time flew, from 2 O’clock in no distant time it was 5 O’clock. I was to leave Lagos by 7 O’clock sharp.

My host made plans to book an Okada for me… As in motorcycle… For me, after telling me how wonderful it was.

For where, wu wu not take it… Oga do you know they banned Okada in the Garden City of Port Harcourt… Do you know Okada use to wound person…Oga do you know that as they banned Okada the number of head injury patients in my hospital 🏥 reduced.. Okada people wey no dey Hear Word…Oga wu wu not take it.

Oga I no gree… Well it took about 15 minutes to get here in the morning, it won’t take up to an hour to get to the airport, and check in I reasoned.

Maximum, I get to the airport sharp 6:30 PM… Shebi they said Las Las I should have checked in by then.

My host smiled and booked the Taxify.

In less than no time the taxi 🚖 was at the venue of the conference and we took the apparently short journey to the airport… No be 5:00pm… No worry yourself… My host looked at me… And I am sure in that look he saw the future.

The journey back to the airport was great and boom the first diversion, the 2nd diversion, the 3rd diversion… And time was ticking…

I saw first hand the traffic jam…my friends always talked about… As we were rooted in a spot for minutes… 5:30 PM…6:00 PM.

I did not need anyone to tell me… I had to cancel the trip.

Even a bike may not have done justice.

Several Kekes seemed to be also stuck in the spot. If Keke had no hope, the car I was in was hopelessly hopeless then.

I had to enter another vehicle, my Legedis Benz…

My destination was an overhead bridge 🌉 where I would take an alternative means of transport to the airport.

I trekked pass was it Archbishop Vinning Memorial Church ⛪, passed what looked like a Police Training College… And in no distant time I was in front of LASUTH gate… This place was familiar, I stayed here for about a week about 5 years earlier.

I got to the overhead bridge, and you know what I bordered an Okada…Okada I had rejected over an hour ago.. And this one was without helmet oh.. I had to it was 6:15 PM or 20…No body tell me… I had to.

The constant call from my host, to know how far I had gone, sounded like a “Brother it is well, all will be well”.

I rushed to the airport, and discovered I was in the wrong terminal.

I had to enter into another Okada and by the time I ran into the airport to check in…

They had officially closed the counter.

Madam, I have to rush back I told those in the counter, Abeg na…

Na una hold up oh.. I left early for the airport oh… Plsssssssssss… I need to be in Port Harcourt ASAP…

For where, they were saying you have to rebook for another flight tomorrow and pay for late charges…

That was not what I wanted to hear… Madam, Oga I have to leave Lagos now oh…

I don’t know how this touched them…

They put a call across…

Wrote my ticket on a paper…

I ran to be checked by the security/ official in another gate… And they called again… And they were told to let me go through…

Moments later I was in a shuttle that took me to the plane…

And when I boarded, I looked like the guy who came to the exam hall, when his mates were already seated in the exam hall with their question and answer papers…

Las Las, we go land together.

Las Las, me too needed to Hear Word.

Las Las, I Heard Word.

And I will enter Okada, whenever I am told to enter Okada…

#hearword #OvdSpeaks #hearwordseries

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HearWord

Nothing just happens…

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By Ovundah Nyeche.

No nation or society, grows beyond what it rewards or punishes…

Curiously, many young people will gravitate towards whatever is rewarding and rewarded…

A nation that rewards its chess players… Will naturally have many chess players…

A nation that “worships” its sportsmen, will likely have many sportsmen and aspiring sportsmen…

A nation that rewards academicians, will have many erudite scholars…

A society that rewards and worships riches no matter the source… Will have people doing all kinds of things to be rich…The end which is riches, will be justified, no matter the means…

A society that rewards cultism, will have many cultists, in fact it will become a culture and it will be abnormal not to be one…

A society that rewards irresponsibility, will have a culture of irresponsibility…

A society that celebrates mediocrity, will have a recurrent banquet of mediocrity, spiced with mediocres…

You cannot drink garri and vomit fried rice and chicken…

Again what do I know?

#hearword #OvdSpeaks #hearwordseries

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HearWord

The dead don’t smell flowers, the living do.

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By Ovundah Nyeche.

Today I got thinking again…

I went online… And Prof. Pius Adesanmi was trending again…

Apart from the tribute…

Many of his masterpiece were shared online…

Though I follow him online, but today for the first time, I listened to his masterpiece, The parable of the shower head 🚿…

Where he told a story about his experience in a classy Nigerian hotel 🏩 where all the holes in the 🚿 shower head in his room were not open, even if the shower was working.

He would call the reception to complain about the bad shower and they would send a technician on time to come fix the shower in his room.

However, he was shocked the well kitted technician was more at peace with the fact, that the shower was working, and not if all the holes of the shower head 🚿 were open.

He used the shower head, as a metaphor, to talk about, our love for our culture of mediocrity…

His photos are everywhere…

I also shared his photo 📸, but when he was alive, I don’t think I ever did…

His works and all the books he wrote are also hitting our faces…

The fact he was a national treasure has been resounded countless number of times; and even the President acknowledged him in death…

If any of his work is currently been promoted or released, it will sell like “bole” and fish…

*****

Go to any burial ceremony and villains become saints…

Go to any burial ceremony and see eulogies…

Wait for people to pass on.. And you hear the beautiful things they meant to others…

Wait for people to pass on, and their unpainted and dilapidated houses 🏘 bear a new look…

People who never visited, come visiting…

*****

Death reveals a lot of things…

How come 🤔, when people are alive, they are overlooked, but when they die… They are everywhere?

How come people, have a larger than life figure when they pass on?

How come many people are celebrated in death more than life? 🤔

*****

Would it be better to eulogize, support, value, love, encourage people when they are alive…

Would it be better to fan their dream and tell them a kind word…

Would it be better to give them a helping hand and not wait for them to die, before we realize they matter.

Give people flowers 💐 to smell when they are alive and not wait until they pass on… to fill their doorsteps with bouquets of flowers.

The dead don’t smell flowers 💐, the living do.

Make a difference in someone’s life today… Don’t wait until they are gone.

#hearword #OvdSpeaks #hearwordseries

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