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THE THERAPEUTIC SLAP

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NB: Prof Emeritus Douglas Omubo-pepple Prof Hillary Onyedika Consultants Emmanuel AseminachinStanley Kalu

May be just may be Inability to hear word finally has a cure. Driving in a Port Harcourt Road with the her Range Rover SUV, she tried to make a turn and her SUV hit a car or according to her the car did not take notice and hit her SUV.

How will a common Toyota Camry have the effrontery and temerity to hit a Range Rover SUV? She jumped out when the man was not seeing reasons with her, rushed to his car and banged on his car and when he came out of his car, she extended her forearm at the elbow joint and with maximal effort landed a slap on his receptive cheeks.

The recipient of the slap seemed stunned, so stunned that he could not even utter a word or even relieve the impact on his cheek and to further rub salt to injury. She put a call across and moments later her husband appeared with two mobile policemen who were out of his car in a jiffy about to manhandle the recipient of the slap.

Well as they say, wonders will never end, and in no time the mobile policemen were saluting the recipient of the slap, who unknown to on lookers was a senior Naval Officer.

He too picked his phone and put a call across and moments later several naval officers assembled to start what I will call a slapping contest.

To demonstrate, the slapped told a female Naval staff to show the lady that slapped him what a slap was all about; She was to now feel the texture, morphology, physiology and pathology of a slap. The sound of the slap on the cheek of her face was like a Christmas firecracker.

He now explained that she should slap her husband just the way she was slapped. She hesitated and  maybe did not understand the command so a second slap was given to her to make her understand the command better.

And so an impromptu slapping competition ensured between the couple and after putting a good slapping show it was finally put to an end amidst wails and tears. Well I was not an eye witness, else I would have admitted her urgently but am sure if the lady or her husband had chronic inability to hear word, there was finally a cure and they would suddenly start “hearing word”.

Sirs, since this case, I have been looking forward to seeing patients present with similar symptoms, but I have seen none. Hearing however that many couples use slapiterol in their homes and this has worsened chronic anunitis, making it more difficult to treat inability to hear word.

I think a publication should be made explaining that slapiterol was never intended to cure inability to hear word at home and in fact its use generally is being questioned by many colleges; when used especially at home it is counterproductive and can cause anaplastic forms.

Thanks you kind review,

#DrHearWord for the department

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13 Comments

13 Comments

  1. Avatar

    Lois

    July 29, 2017 at 8:53 am

    Imagining the effrontery it takes to stretch out one’s hand and slap another, much so slapping someone physically stronger than you.
    I’m sure she’s been cured of that gross inability to hear word for life. Even small pikin sef she won’t slap again!

    • Avatar

      Ovundah

      July 30, 2017 at 4:27 pm

      Lois, you are the first person who commented on this blog and you just won yourself a price, congrats.

  2. Avatar

    Sophia

    July 29, 2017 at 11:24 am

    Lol, lesson of the day.

    • Avatar

      Ovundah

      July 30, 2017 at 4:27 pm

      Thank you for reading and commenting my sister.

  3. Avatar

    Tamie

    July 29, 2017 at 1:30 pm

    Such slapping contest is sure to cure any one with inability to hear word.
    Lol

    • Avatar

      Ovundah

      July 30, 2017 at 4:25 pm

      Will it cure it?

  4. Avatar

    perri

    July 30, 2017 at 5:51 am

    The woman and her husband go hear word

    • Avatar

      Ovundah

      July 30, 2017 at 4:18 pm

      It is always a pleasure connecting with those that visit ovundahnyeche.com, thanks for reading and commenting Perri.

  5. Avatar

    Jeff

    July 30, 2017 at 7:46 am

    Nice write up Ovd. However, slapeterol had always had 100% efficacy but should titrated according to age, weight and indication putting contraindications into consideration.

    • Avatar

      Ovundah

      July 30, 2017 at 4:17 pm

      Thanks for reading and commenting Jeff.

  6. Avatar

    Stanley Kalu

    July 30, 2017 at 5:39 pm

    syndrome of inability to hear has become a pandemic requiring high index of suspicion and aggressive therapy ….Lol..

  7. Avatar

    Eguono

    August 1, 2017 at 9:54 am

    Hahahahaha, your narration made me feel like I was witnessing this event live. Well done doc.

  8. Avatar

    Warebi Aye

    August 7, 2017 at 11:20 am

    I’d really wish to thank the scientists who discovered the drug slapiterol, I think it’s very effective in the treatment of “inability to hear word”.
    A video of the scene would’ve been a very effective therapeutic tool or don’t you think so Dr. Ovundah Nyeche? Lol

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HearWord

Nothing just happens…

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By Ovundah Nyeche.

Maybe one day we will have the courage to discuss about how our system enables fraud. I drive somewhere with my #2 car, and out of the blues someone who is impatient on the road who likely does not even own a car, shouts on top of his voice, “You no go carry this carton wey you dey drive commot for road!”

I decide to use public transport and someone I know who is in the same bus with me, frowns and shakes his head and mutters under his breath, “Chei see as doctor dey use public transport,na so e bad reach…Tufiakwa.’

I decide to walk, or ‘carmel’, and someone sees me and shakes his head…and those with courage say, ‘Na wah see all your mates wey start with you don build house finish, you still dey carmel…na wah oh, we need to pray against family curses oh.’

The boy without any traceable job, nor inherited properties, who does not come from a very wealthy family drives pass with a brand new Range Rover SUV, he also just bought a house in a posh area in town, and his name changes to master, as people scramble to get his attention. Those who dare ask how he suddenly came in contact with riches are branded haters, and to rub it on them, they are asked, “You did not ask of his source of poverty, but you wish to know the source of his wealth…bad belly.”

He throws Shekels on some members of his community and unexpectedly he is made a High Chief and given the title of Youth Ambassador and becomes the village/ community icon. In his religious setting, he is given a special chair and everything rises and falls on him…as young people pray to become like him and parents tell their children to become like him or be counted as failures.

Musicians fall over themselves as they compete on who would sing a better track to honour him and of course anyone who wins his attention is likely going to win the jackpot. When he goes for events, comedians and comperes alike shine more attention on him. Some ladies and the like use him as the SI unit of success and actually dump people in relationships with them, as bees flock around the new honey.

An online army is created to defend him at all cost, as many young people conclude that the only way to be recognized is to make money, and make big money irrespective of the source.

They see it, the man that steals a phone is given a long sentence, and the man that steals what generations cannot spend gets a good lawyer and obtains a plea bargain or runs to a remote country, buys their citizenship and is hailed as been too smart. They see that the law is so strong against the poor but so weak against the rich…and will do everything to be rich.

The young man also observes that in almost all settings, he can barely count the number of people honoured by individuals corporations, by communities, by government for showing or displaying integrity or a good work ethic, or for displaying or inculcating values.

Nothing just happens, are we ready to resuscitate values from coma or smother it to death;unfortunately you cannot drink garri, and vomit fried rice and chicken.

#Selah #HearWord #OvdSpeaks #HearWordSeries

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Family Circle

Two can walk together forever…

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By Ovundah Nyeche.

In all thy getting, don’t break your marriage or enter marital problems because of things you read on social media.

All these you are so brave, na so, if it is me… I will not take it… Nonsense man or woman… If he does it, I will do him/her back… Men and women must be put in their place, meniscus, womeniscus, et al… May not be the best for you.

It is also important to note that, people who pour and fire, fire on social media, may not be what they fire in real life…also it is important not to build your marriage on templates that may be faulty.

Like football, great coaches, have a plan or tactics to use, but adapt with the game at hand… Great coaches know when to go for possession and when to concede possession…they know goals and not stats win matches.

As a Christian, my allegiance is to the Word of God, and it guides my relationship with my spouse.

You ginger all the ginger and the word of God, reminds you, O boy, you no try, O boy just look your face for mirror, see that plank wey dey your eyes… 😂 😂 😂 And boom you want to drag leg… But the word of God is not your mate… And you obey and get back your peace…

Like I tell those I tell… Marriage is not war, it is not male vs female… It is not pishim pishim … But a deliberate union, where a man and his wife makes a decision together surmount any challenge and be all what God has destined for them …

If both of you agree to #hearword and both bring 💯 into the union, not 50-50, both of you are vulnerable and open to yourself in your union and ditch the “do you know who I am” or “I did you a favour by marrying you” 😂 😂 😂 and are willing to make your marriage work irrespective of the normal stresses of the relationship… Where both of you look out for the good of your spouse and are willing to walk and work it out to success…

Marriage is a full time job… Don’t allow social media deceive you, it requires investment and thought in the direction you wish it to take… marriage is a wonderful thing…

Everyday airplanes take off and land… Ironically it is the planes that crash or have turbulence that make news… Everyday cars go on long distance journeys and arrive, but it is those that crash or have a mishap that make news…Ships also leave ports and arrive at their destinations, but again, disaster makes more news.
.
Don’t allow crashes define or determine the mood of your journey…who goes for a journey and is preoccupied about a crash.

It will work out, it is working out… If you are not hearing word in any area of your life be it anger, infidelity, violence, et al … Go and seek for help and don’t commonize it… Get accountable… Invest in knowledge…fix self… Do all you can to make your marriage work.

#selah #hearword #OvdSpeaks #hearwordseries

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HearWord

Hear Word, from a book reviewer’s eyes…

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By Grace Ngozi Onyebuolise.

A subject can be difficult but if your teacher knows how to use humor and is really good at what he or she does, learning that subject would be easy.

It is one reason I can’t forget my teacher who taught me physics in secondary school.
He could teach, he was funny and ensured we learnt each topic very well.

Real life issues and making choices can be tough. We seem to know the right decision to make but are lured to do the opposite because we find it really pleasurable and being reactive doesn’t require so much energy when compared to being proactive and getting our emotions under control.

In simple, funny, sarcastic, rhetorical but yet beautiful short stories, Doctor Ovundah Nyeche takes us through life lessons on various topics; relationship, sex matters, marriage, failure, personal development, health, character development, friendship and many more.

This book seems small but laced with beautiful short stories that leaves you smiling and telling yourself, “This word enter.”

Most stories are drawn from his personal experiences like the ones found on Pages 69 and 70 titled, Equip Yourself and More Than Papers. While some, like ‘Legend Of The Chaser’ are fictional.

Because of the size of the book, your 8year old may think it’s a book they can read but please, don’t oblige them yet. They are not yet strong to handle stories like Legend Of The Chaser. 😂😂😂😂.

This work is beautifully written. You would find yourself postponing and reading a chapter at a time because of the author’s creative writing style but please, read to the end as a repeat still feels like a first read.

My most enjoyable part of the reading was the chapter that opened my eyes to see this scripture “We know no man after the flesh” in a better and new light.

And like my picture below, the world would present many things to you that would be filled paradox , but choose to Hear Word and zoom in to read a tiny book filled with wisdom to help your life choices.

I am also proud to announce that this wonderful book got it’s creative cover from the amazing designer, Onuora Onianwa
and he can make one for you if you are writing or planning to write a book.

Book Title : Hear Word.

To purchase this book, please do connect with its author, Ovundah Nyeche on Facebook or click the link below if you wish to get a copy delivered to you anywhere in Nigeria.

https://paystack.com/pay/hearword

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

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